Kirssy has moved from one of the poshest places in England – Twekesbury home of marinas, St George’s day parades and teenage repellant machines – to one of the most schemie – Tipton.

If you phone up national rail enquiries and ask for a train from Hell they automatically know that you mean Birminham New Street. Well Tipton is the place that people from Birmingham look down on. (Allegedly Tipton is a separate town from Birmingham, although as far as I can tell the whole area between Birmingham and Wolverhampton is one large breeze block).

Tipton has more burnt out houses per street than anywhere else in the UK (I made that up, but it’s true). It was described during the last by-election as one of the only places in Britain with no middle class. It also has three BNP councillors on the local council, which might explain the curious sense of humour of the council’s licensing board. They refused to allow any more pubs to open until one was named after the head of the board, that pub has now been renamed Pie-Factory.

However unlike Tewekesbury the vet’s practice is run by nice people, so in general it’s a step up. Plus they have the best all you can eat curry buffet’s there is.