Jonathan Riddell's Diary

Copied over from the previous version of my website..

According to Google, there is no reference to Ratchet Screwdriver,
the legendary game played by young
Quakers the world over (and, as far as I can tell, nobody else).
How it can be that Quakers from Edinburgh to California all play the
same game without ever having met is a remarkable achievement of
nature of proportions similar to the the near identical shapes of
sharks and dolphins despite their evolutionary separation.

Some people mistake Ratchet Screwdriver as being violent. Some
people mistake it as being rather too intimate. Technically it is
both of these but mostly it’s just great fun.

Ratchet Screwdriver was banned by BYM’s Children’s and Young
Person’s Committee. There is no way of knowing when this happened or
who was consulted about the forced destruction of our heritage because
BYM’s committees do not make their minutes generally available.
However an explanation can be found at this
thread on u19s qboard (search for `co-clerks’). An anonymous reply explains the fault in
their logic:

Unfortunately what you have done is to drive it underground, to make
it more popular than ever. Meaning it now happens without proper
supervision, it has become something cooler.

The first rule of Ratchet Screwdriver is: don’t talk about
Ratchet Screwdriver.

The Game

First, remove all footwear, jewelry, watches, and especially
glasses. I’ve never known a pair of glasses to come out of Ratchet
Screwdriver intact.

Ratchet Screwdriver requires an odd number of people to play,
usually numbering at least 11. One person sits on their own while the others
pair up and sit in a circle one member of the pair behind the other.
Those sitting behind their partner may not touch the person infront,
but can otherwise sit as closely as possible.

One player sits on their own, the others sit in pairs one behind the
other

The odd one out calls the names of two people sitting in the front,
and those two people must compete to be the first to kiss the odd one
out. The partners of the two that were called have to hold them
back.

The one who kisses the caller first is the winner and now sits
behind the person they managed to reach, the partner they left behind
becomes the new odd one out. The other pair swap places to let the
person at the back have a chance at the front.

Oh the questions

But where did this game come from? Why is it thus called Will CYPC
see the error of their ways? If you have the answers to any of these,
any more interesting nuggets of information or tales of Ratchet
Screwdriver please do e-mail me.

And apparently some of them call it wink. That
page explains it quite well.

Recently I had the privilege of meeting Marc Van Der HS (or as I like to call him, Marco Polo, because everyone here is called either Marc or Jordi) in Barcelona. Despite this being a prosperous city on the sea front where people do a range of sports from bike polo to long boarding there’s only him doing canoe polo. So we do training a couple of times a week in Port Olympic. There’s a limited amount you can do with two people and no goals in what should be a game with two teams of five people but Marc has found a range of useful exercises to do. Here’s some of them for my own notes and anyone else who’s interested.

Warm up:

• Paddle forwards over a length about 50m long
• Paddle backwards over the length
• Paddle forwards dipping the nose on each paddle stroke
• Paddle touching your blade onto the sterm of your boat with each stroke
• Paddle with a bow rudder on each stroke so you zig-zag
• Slide the paddle so your hands are at the extreme left and right of the shaft and you are paddling with an extended shaft on each stroke

Ball thowing on the move, paddle side-by-side over a length of about 50m

• Throw a ball to each other while paddling infront of the partner’s boat
• Throw a ball to your partner’s body
• Throw ball to the front of your partner’s boat so they can bat it forwards with their paddle blade
• Before each throw do a fake throw forwards, for bonus points don’t look at your partner

Passing between two people

• Pass with two hands facing each other
• Pass with two hands throwing the ball up in the air, the thrower should keep eye contact on the person they are throwing to
• Pass with 1 hand from right hand to right hand or left hand to left hand, the elbow should be kept high and the ball should be thrown above the head, use the middle and ring finger to throw, rotate the shoulder backwards
• Same thing up in the air
• Passing over a long distance
• Passing sideways while boats are parallel to each other
• Pass to your partner’s paddle blade on the left and right sides
• Pass above your partner’s head to catch with paddle blade
• Pass to the front of your partner’s boat to be caught with paddle blade

Series

• Paddle forward gently, one person shouting “go” means you do two paddle strokes forward hard
• Ten strong strokes followed by ten short strokes

Other Bits

• timed races zig-zagging over a floating chain
• piggy in the middle with one person in the middle and three others all of who’s boats must touch the centre boat
• with helmets: two boats next to each other parallel, one person uses a strong reverse sweet and edge to slide the tail of their boat under their partner’s then paddle back some strokes
• play defence/attack where one person tries to get the ball from another person
• do short laps with a 180 degree turn at each end, on the turn move both hands to the end of the paddle blade so you have an extended paddle shaft, use a reverse sweet and edge away from the paddle side to raise the front of the boat

Next month Scotland has a referendum in whether to be an independent country. Here are the main reasons why I expect to vote Yes..

Staying United and Reducing Government

All countries need to work with their neighbours, when Europe was a patchwork of protectionist countries that like to have random wars with its neighbours life was tricky. Scotland was poor 300 years ago so when the country finally went bust it took the best opportunity on offer and had a union with England which while still having random wars with its neighbours had its own empire to work with other countries through (either on friendly or less friendly terms). Now life has moved on and we need bigger more fair unions to sort out the boring stuff like free movement of people and trade. That’s the founding purpose of the EU and while it has its problems with lack of accountability and political messups like allowing Greece to join the Euro it has overall succeeded brilliantly. We have no need for a union with Wales, a random corner of Ireland and little Englanders when we can have a much larger union as part of the EU. The UK is simply a layer of government I feel no need of. Best to simplify it by having three layers of government (local, national and international) than four (local, national, another definition of national and international).

An independent Scotland will be more democratic. Where the borders of government are made is arbitrary circles on a map but there is a clear demos in Scotland which we don’t share with England (and even less with Northern Ireland). The two parties that make up the UK government are the least popular parties in Scotland while the majority government in Scotland has a tiny representation in the UK and a whole government department (Scotland Office) with nothing better to do than work against the democratic process of Scotland.

And the scare stories?

What currency will we use? Although it’s not fashionable to say so now I’d like to move to the Euro, it’s been broken by politicians fudging the rules of entry to let in various countries that then messed up. But it seems to be healing and given a cautious approach there’s no reason not to join. Except we can’t because we use Sterling and before any country joins the Euro you’d need to peg your currency with it which the UK doesn’t want to do. Using Sterling makes sense, if the rUK government don’t want to have an agreement to use it then Scotland can just use it anyway just like the Isle of Man or Channel Islands do and just like Ireland did when it became independent, and if rUK insists that it somehow gets rights over Sterling which Scotland doesn’t then fine, they’ll be dumped with the national debt.

Will Scotland be allowed to join Europe? Scotland is already part of Europe so there’s nothing to join, no part of the European treaties allows for European citizens to be kicked out of the EU. There’s again no reason why the rUK gets to claim it is different from Scotland, just because they’re bigger doesn’t mean they get free entry into the EU while Scotland doesn’t. The biggest threat to being in the EU is England’s Tories giving a referendum to leave the EU, now that scares me.

And other issues? How will the BBC be split up? Will Royal Mail continue to operate cross border? Will mobile phones work cross border? Maybe I’d being naive but I trust our MPs at Westminster such as Danny Alexander and Alistair Carmichael to negotiate for their constituents in Scotland and not against their interests. If they negotiate against Scotland’s interests then that in itself is a pretty good argument for dissolving the UK.

Pinkston Watersports Centre is an awesome new facility at the canal basin in the centre of Glasgow. After many years of hard campaigning and fundraising by canoeists around the country Scotland will finally have an artificial whitewater course to canoe on. England and Wales have had these for years but the difference is this one is intended for canoeists and canoe clubs. All the other courses make money by sending down bored office workers on rafts a dozen at a time which is far more profitable. This centre is a charity that runs it for canoe clubs like mine. Lovely. Consequently any club can get people trained up as External Site Operators who will get a key to the place and can run sessions on the flat or moving water. I did that training last night, here’s a few notes to help my memory..

19 May is the grand opening for funders and politicians. Sat 31 May is the grand opening for clubs, I should organise a trip.
Iain is the centre manager and Allan with the funky hair is watersports manager.

Currently bookings are made by phone and e-mail and pumps are turned on manually by staff. Shortly they will have a website booking system. This will come with a centre internal website which controls the whitewater course pumps.

Any club can get people trained as External Site Operator, it’s a simple 3 hour course. Over 18s only. The ESO will have responsibility for the use of the centre by their group. Groups must have liability insurance, SCA affiliated clubs have this for official trips. People overseeing the group must have Foundation Safety and Rescue training for use on flat and Whitewater Safety and Rescue Training for use on the whitewater course. Beyond that it’s up to the club to decide if they need to follow BCU Terms of Reference.

Park and Play sessions, those overseen by centre staff and not an ESO, are for 18+ only as they don’t currently have an AALA licence.

The course is nominally grade 2(3) and the short course is just a big wave.

There are three pumps to choose how much fun you want to have, 1 is mostly for rescue training, 2 is for fun, 3 is for real fun.

No throw lines or slings allowed, if they get dropped they’ll end up back in the pumps which will break.

Any injuries of other incidents should be reported to the BCU and to Pinkston staff. This is to spot problem areas and incase there is legal action years down the line.

You need to bring your own first aid kit.

Importantly, you need to bring your own 19mm spanner to be able to move the door that switches between the short and the long course, and the door which opens onto the car park.

Costs are £30 an hour on the flat and £75 an hour on the moving. Didn’t ask about the Park and Play sessions but the website suggests £7.50 a person, not sure what times these will run. This includes changing rooms.

Clubs can also hire a container.

It’ll be great fun, see you on May 31st 🙂

It’s time to vote for the European Parliament elections which happen next Thursday 22nd May 2014. It’s hard to get excited about European elections because the EU parliament is just a revising chamber, so candidates can’t say “we will create a law on X and spend money on Y” they can only say “we will promote cause X and campaign for Y”. But if you don’t vote, you’re a bad citizen and can’t complain about anything. The media coverage is poor, they mostly seem interested in UKIP for reasons I can’t work out. One week before the elections the Scotsman politics page has one story, and guess what it’s about UKIP. The bastin of quality English liberal journalism The Guardian’s European Elections page has not one story about what the parties have in their manifestos. The only place to see the candidates talk is a three minute clip from a BBC debate which isn’t on iPlayer.

The best place to get a view on what interesting votes have happened in the last 5 years in the EU parliament and to see how your MEPs voted is My Vote 2014.

So firstly the nutters: Britain First are a splinter group from the BNP and their top candidate James Dowson is from Northern Ireland, where I’m guessing he’s been busy fighting the police to keep a Union Flag flying rather than care about anything important. The BNP’s Kenneth McDonald is sadly from Edinburgh although the bottom 4 candidates are all from England. I wonder whatever made him a racist twit in a country with minimal race problems. UKIP are not polling great in Scotland fortunately but the opinion polls show a swing to them, probably due to wall to wall TV and newspaper coverage. Their top candidate is a fat man from London. Then there’s the left wing nutters, no2eu. It’s quite nice to see the left wingers get together and the right wingers get splintered, a change from the historical norm.

Then there’s the discredited mainstream London parties. The Conservative and Unionists stole our free school milk and have never been forgiven. They also want a referendum on being in the EU but want to be in the EU, this makes no sense whatsoever. Scottish Labour don’t even have a manifesto on their website and they invade random countries. The Scottish Lib Dems might claim to be the party of “in” but they also don’t have a manifesto on their website, and their main performance in government at UK and Scottish level is to do nothing.

Which leaves the SNP and Greens. I’m a card carrying member of the SNP: in general they’re the party I feel most aligned to and I think everyone should donate to a political party else it’ll be left to corrupting powerful influences to do so. The SNP launched their manifesto yesterday and it’s full of decent stuff if you want to download the PDF.

But the Greens edge them out in my opinion because they care about the election. They have a dedicated campaign website which clearly shows what they’re interersted in. It includes a page on digital rights which none of the other parties care about at all. Green MSP Patrick Harvie even came to talk at a Falkirk Linux User Group meeting, I can’t imagine the SNP candidate coming to a meeting of 20 geeks. They even have a briefing paper on digital rights which talks about the potential of Free and Open Source Software and how it’s a bad thing to do mass surveillance, none of the other parties mention that at all.

We Promise is a nice website where candidates sign a 10 point charter on digital rights. Maggie from Greens and Alyn from SNP have promised, but nobody else.

While the SNP claim the final place is between a third SNP candidate and a UKIP candidate, the polls show it’s as likely to be a fight between Greens and UKIP (or even Labour) so I don’t follow that.

And then there’s the election broadcast, the SNP election broadcast is about the independence referendun and doesn’t mention the EU elections. It’s illegal and shows a disrespect for the voter. While the Scottish Green Party has a genuinely amusing one slagging off UKIP and LibDems.

So Greens it is, good luck you tree hugging hippies.

I did the Canoe Polo Referee Theory Course and Exam (Grade 3/4). This is a three hour computer slide presentation taking you over the rules of the game followed by a multiple choice exam. Here’s my notes for my own use and anyone else who is interested.

The BCU Canoe Polo Rules 2013-2015 describe the rules and are mostly accurate and about as readable as they can be. They are based on the ICF rules.

A pitch is 35m x 23m or otherwise in a ratio of 3:2. Water is at least 90cm deep. 4 metres each side of the centre of the goal is the No Waiting Area, subs should stay out of this area. Goals are 1m x 1.5m x 30cm deep and 2m above the water. Marked with red/white stripes.

Ball is size 4 for ladies and junior, size 5 for open competition (these sizes seem to come from FIFA for football).

There can be 8 players on a pitch with 5 in play. A max of 10 is allowed in each team.

Officials needed are: 1st referee, 2nd referee, Timekeeper, 2nd timekeeper (for sending offs), Goal line judge x 2, scorekeeper and scruitineer. In Scotland it’s usually just 2 refs, timekeeper and a scorekeeper.

The timekeeper needs a horn, 2 timers (1 for sending off) and disciplinary forms.

1st referee has overall control, is nearer the officials table and makes any final decisions.

Referees work with lead and trailing, lead to your right so you are inline with the goal on your right if the ball might go into it so you can check it crossed the line. The trailing referee should keep an eye on the rest of play and generally won’t go past the 6 m line.

Player equipment – boats of the same colour, helmet with a guard covering the chin and holes no larger than 7cm. Bumpers should be compressable by at least 1cm with a thumb. Buoyancy aid (body protector) should be 15mm thick with side padding. Numbers should be 10cm high on front, 20cm high on back and 7.5cm on each side of the helmet.

Playing time is ideally 10mins each half with 3 min break. In Scotland Div 4 it’s 6 mins each half with minimal break.

A free throw is given to the team that did not cause the sanction, must be presented, will not have a starting whistle, must be taken with 5 seconds or being in position and can not be shot directly at goal. The ball must travel 1m horizontally. Referee points with open palm in direction of play. They are given for…

• Start infringement (e.g. two people from same team go for ball
• Sideline, corner or goal line throw

If the throw is not legal (e.g. no presentation) then the opposing team gets a free throw.

A free shot is the same as a free throw but for illegal play, it can be shot directly at goal. The referee points in direction of play. Given for…

• Obstruction/holding (touching another boat with hands, touching goalie’s boat)
• Illegal tackle (at 90 degrees, over cockpit, not in possession of ball)
• Illegal possession (holding for 5 seconds, paddling with ball on deck
• Illegal use of paddle (paddle near ball, paddle over bow in reach, paddling off opposition boat)

A goal penalty shot is given when the referee considers a goal the most likely outcome. Taken from 6m with other plays at half way.

A referee’s ball is given when two players are holding the ball for 5 seconds.

A green card is given on any dangerous or deliberate illegal play. A yellow card on 3 green cards or for any dangerous AND deliberate play, the player stays off for 2 minutes. A red card is the second yellow card and the player stays off for this game and the next. When giving a card, call time out, call the player over, show score keeper and player card. When more then 1 player has caused an offense a team card can be give, present to the captain.

The captain should wear an armband.

The referee can call play on if illegal play is observed but the team would be disadvantaged by stopping. After 1 pass the ref can change his mind on this.

The goal keeper is the player most directly under the goal and facing out towards the pitch.

On time out and any time you want to gain control of the players use a triple whistle.

To complete the course and be a qualified Grade 3 referee I need to be observed as referee and have the assessment form filled in.

The Andy Jackson Fund for Access is a charity set up in the name of a legendary Scottish whitewater paddler to help the access situation to interesting rivers for canoeists.

Last year a paddler who I respect lots Chris Dickenson posted a rant on ukriversguidebook forum, a common place for people to post rants on. The rant was long but hard to pin down what it was about. One of his concerns seemed to be that the SCA wasn’t giving the money from the guidebooks to the Access Fund as they had pledged.

A quick look at the Access Fund entry on the Charity Regulator website shows that the charity does indeed get income every year but that it didn’t have any outgoings until 2012 and even then only £662 and in 2013 only £500. The only information on the charity is on the poorly maintained Where’s the Water website. There’s no indication of what projects they fund or who their trustees are or who their membership is.

Intrigued I sent an old fashioned letter to the address on the OSCR website asking for their latest accounts and annual report. After a couple of weeks I got the accounts and report ending 31st March 2013 dated December 2013.

As of 2013 there’s 4 trustees, Bridget Thomas (chair), Robin Cole, John Picken (treasurer) and Ron Cameron. Eddie Palmer’s name was on it but has been scored out presumably because he stepped down when he became president of the SCA. Robin Cole was added, presumbly when he took over from Eddy as the chair of the SCA Access Committee. Kenny Biggin stood down, no reason given.

The annual report says they do receive funds from the guidebooks.

The only activity given in the annual report is that two projects were suspended, Kinlochleven and Fort William Tailrace. There’s no indication of what these projects were or why they were suspended.

They have £11,562 in the bank.

The actual accounts do list some more activities. In 2012 there’s two items marked “Steps at Netherton on River Blackwater” and another marked “Steps on the River Garry” and in 2013 one marked “To SCA for Land Reform Consultation”.

And that’s it. No indication that they plan to do anything more with the money they keep receiving from the guidebooks, no modern means of communication like a website or e-mail or even telephone number. No suggestions of what sort of projects they would be wanting to support.

I expect that like a lot of volunteer committees the Andy Jackson Fund for Access is made up of people who don’t have the time or energy to give to the project as it deserves or even to ask for other people who could do so. This is a shame as many people buy the books expecting them to go to good caueses when in reality the money is just sitting in a bank account. Chris Dickenson’s rant that they are not being given the dues they are owned by the SCA is quite defaming and wrong. Many SCA committees are made up of volunteers who do a lot of hard work but then fail to show that by updating their pages on the SCA website (the access committee might well but one of them) with the result that people complain about the SCA don’t care or fund whitewater and only cares about sprint/slalom (which gets lots of funding from SportScotland). Here we have rare funding for whitewater paddling that isn’t being used. The Access Fund would benefit greatly from advertising itself and actively asking people to apply for grants.

In my never ending quest to better myself I took my motorcycle Compulsory Basic Training, CBT. It’s a 1 or 2 day training course to give you basic safety knowledge for riding a motorbike and some practical experience which is required before you can use your provisional category A licence. I did mine at Saltire Suzuki in Edinburgh who I’d fully recommend. Here’s some notes for my own use and anyone who is interested..

There are 5 modules in the CBT, the first is about safety clothing.

In 1979 the helmet law was introduced requiring all motorcycle riders to wear a helmet. It’s the only piece of safety closing legally required but any sensible person will also want protected jacket, trousers, gloves and shoes. There are three types of helmet, open, flip up and full face. All use polystyrene foam as protection which is easily damaged and once compressed does not uncompress, if you drop it then you should replace it. There are 3 types of fastener, clip, ratchet strep and double d ring. Don’t loan your helmet as if the borrower drops it they probably won’t tell you. Polycarbonate helmets last about 18 months to 3 years, fibreglass about 3-5 years and kevlar/carbon up to 9 years. Dry hair before use else it’ll mist up. Some visors are tinted but this is problematic when riding in the dark. A double glazed plate on the visor prevents steam. A visor lasts about 18 months if looked after.

Clothing is usually made from leather or Cordura. Leather is heavy, not waterproof but easy to repair. Goretex is often used as lining to make it waterproof. Don’t try gloves on a radiator as it makes them hard and brittle.

The next module is about your bike before you ride. Your weekly checks include checking the wheels, the tread should be 1mm. Your daily checks include testing your lights and breaks.

Then you get to ride the bike. As with learning to drive it takes a lot of learning the feel of new controls, only in a motorbike there are new controls of different types in unfamiliar places. The clutch is the leaver that would be the left hand break in a pedal bike, the throttle is by rotating the right hand grip, the gears are a pedel you lift or press with your left food, the back break is another pedal on your right and the front break is a heavier break you use on the right hand where you’d expect a break to be. Riding around the yard you are introduced to all these one at a time. There is no indicator for what gear you are in except if you are in neutral. None of the controls makes any sense and especially not when you have to use all five at once as in an emergency stop so it takes some practice to make them become instinctive.

More theory now. When coming to a junction remember OSM/PSL – Observe, Signal, Manoeuvre, Position, Speed, Look. Check mirrors and over shoulder. Then indicate. Then Manoeuvre which involves getting into the correct position, going at the right speed and looking around. The look will often involve a lifesaver look which is checking your blind spot over your shoulder. On a motorbike you must manually cancel the indicator which is very easy to forget.

Don’t ride in snow and ice. In fog you can tap on the break to show an extra rear light. Motorcycles make up 1% of traffic and 25% of fatalities, erk. For a bike which is 3 years old you must get an MOT yearly. Insurance comes in 3rd party, 3rd party+fire+theft and fully comprehensive flavours. Road tax is not emissions rated, which means it is often more expensive than a car. A V5C vehicle registration certificate is the legal log book required for every vehicle from the DVLA. A motorcyclist is especially vulnerable to road surface changes, always avoid spilt diesel and cobbles. Go over tram lines at an angle. Keep your hands and feel warm and dry, if they get cold you will be much less responsive. Wind affects motorcyclists a lot, if the Forth Road Bridge is closed to high sided vehicles it is also closed to motorcycles. Mirrors don’t cover your blind spot, don’t tell you the speed of other vehicles or the distance of other vehicles. Check them every 30 seconds. There are 169 over the counter drugs which cause drowsiness, don’t take any before riding. More stops are needed on the bike than in a car so plan your journey. Don’t ride when emotional, you’ll take it out with bad riding.

Then you get to ride around town with the instructor following and one way radio giving you instructions. Putting together all the controls along with good road use is tricky but I succeeded well. I wonder if I trust myself to ride without guidance now.

I have spent a lot of this year in conflict with ignorant landlords. The other week I got a neighbour notification notice about a planning application (13/04474/FUL) and being someone who likes to know what’s happening in his neighbourhood and care about improving it I looked it up. It was described as an application to turn the unused office opposite me into a residential property. This makes perfect sense since I live in a street full of small residential properties and no offices. However when I read the application on the council’s faffy planning website and found the small print it was actually an application to turn it into a serviced apartment. These are short stay hotels and often get used as party flats, rented out to people who make a lot of noise late at night and throw up at three in the morning then go back home. Edinburgh has seen an increase in these and some are even so bad that the council had to take the owner to court and confiscate the property.

So I put in an objection to the planning application, I asked my neighbours to do the same and I put up a notice on the property’s window (with cheap easily removed masking tape) explaining to anyone passing by the status and what they should do about it. After exchanging some e-mails with my local councillor and community council it was clarified that it would not be allowed to be turned into a serviced apartment and the architects submitted a revised application (13/04769/FUL) for it to be a residential unit. Success for local democratic processes and everyone happy all round.

Except I just received the following e-mail (CCed to architect Marcus McEwan) insulting me and making idle threats from the owner, Paul Anthony Dickens. Paul Dickens is a bankrupt property tycoon who has for example lost a court case where he took money from his own company just before it went bust but was ordered to return it. He also launched a guaranteed profit buy-to-let scheme in 2004 making him a significant factor in the financial crisis of 2008. He has been in short term property lets for some time. It makes me very sad when failed landlords make idle threats because people took the time to correct their actions. He now seems to work for Shepherd Chartered Surveyors, I hope his employer is responsible enough to tell him how unacceptable it is to insult and threaten people.

I passed my D1 minibus licence 🙂 This makes me very happy because I have a mild brain injury and this shows I can still learn and achieve new things.

It is quite a faffy thing to do because of the limited number of driving schools that do D1 licences. The law in the area of what counts and what does not is very fuzzy with many unclear cases.

For many people it’s unclear if you need to apply for a category D1 licence to drive a minibus. If you passed your UK drivers licence before 1997 you get a D1 for free. You don’t need it if your minibus is under 3.5 tonnes max load and you are not driving it for “hire or reward” (and are over 21, had your licence for two years). We phoned up the DVLA complaint center and asked if I could drive the bus and they said it was fine to do so, which it wasn’t, so even the DVLA don’t understand the rules. Then there’s a section 19 permit which lets some non-commercial organisations let people drive and be paid but again only under 3.5 tonnes max load busses. The definition of “hire or reward” is very unclear as a general point of law and it’s unclear if it covers a sports club such as mine where you have to pay membership or if it covers fuel expenses. I’m told that North Lanarkshire do not require their drivers to have a D1 while South Lanarkshire do which shows how unclear the rules are.

To start with you need a D4 medical form signed from your doctor, which costs about £100. This tests your eyesight and general health.

Then you need to apply for a provisional licence. Pleasingly this is free.

Now you need to do a theory test for a PCV. A PCV is a fancy name for a bus: a Passenger Carrying Vehicle. (Cost £35). Incidentally the fancy name for a lorry is LGV for Large Good Vehicle now, for some reason the term HGV for Heavy Goods Vehicle is deprecated. The theory test is much the same as for a car, lots of multiple choice questions.

A read over of the Official DSA Theory Test for Large Vehicles will tell you all you need to know. (Cost £11.50) It’s in the building of a company called Pearson in Union Street in Edinburgh and you sit at a computer and click on answers then get your result straight away.

There is also a separate hazard perception test (Cost £15) you need to book onto then go on another day to the Pearson centre and click. There are a few websites that show the sample videos (probably illegally) but in low quality which meant I didn’t get a high mark on any of the websites, but the real videos are in higher quality so I passed without a problem. It’s quite easy to pass, you don’t get marked down for clicking if there’s no hazard so you just click every time something moves and you’ll get it fine.

Now you need to get some minibus driver training. There are only two options for minibus learning near Edinburgh that I could find.

The first is CTTS (commercial transport training services) run by a guy called Jim and his associate Jim in Bathgate. They do two half days training and an assessment day for £690. I went on their training and assessment but screwed up on the first assessment with not joining a dual carrageway properly and making another vehicle slow down, tsk. I went for another assessment with them but this time they screwed up and gave me an incorrect time for the assessment. Although I made it to the test centre in time I wasn’t in a state of mind to pass and failed straight away. I refused to pay so alas fell out with one or both of the Jims.

I found a guy who trades as Drive me Bananas who seemed friendly on the phone and can do the training but doesn’t have a bus to train in. Can I use my bus to train in? Yes but not to assess in because the assessment needs it to be over 4 tonnes and with special mirrors for the assessor to use. Can I hire one? No hire companies don’t let provisional drivers in their busses and they’d still need the mirrors.

Looking around for other instructors all I could find is GTG (used to be Glasgow Training Garage I think) which is a company owned by Arnold Clark and do a bunch of workplace training courses in computers, management, driving and vehicle mechanics. I think many of the students are Arnold Clark’s own apprentices. They only have one minibus in Scotland which is based in Glasgow so I had to go through to Glasgow for an initial assessment (cost £39). They said my driving was perfectly good and recommended I only have one lesson to tidy it up and then go for assessment. They charged me a hefty £800 for a full day’s training and following day’s assessment. Fortunately I could go to their site by Hermiston Gate in Edinburgh for the main training. Turns out they just contracted out the training to Billy Copeland who came through from Ayrshire for it (so it would probably much cheaper to go direct to him). Billy gave me an intensive one day of training after which I was knackered but learnt a bunch of important things.

Things I learnt were…

• Check your left mirror after every fourth parked car and after any notable hazard or potential hazard, this is the follow through
• When overtaking a vehicle on the motorway time yourself against a marker by saying “only a fool breaks the two second rule” and watch in mirror when the overtaken vehicle passes it, only move back in if it’s a 2 second gap.
• Don’t be afraid to make progress, once you’ve passed a hazard you should be aiming to get up to the speed limit
• Stop at lights so you can still see the white line in your windscreen
• Use the wide angle mirror on the wing mirrors when joining a motorway
• when going round a blind corner on a single track road (or a bridge) beep your horn twice to let oncoming drivers know you’re there
• on a single track roundabout keep central in the lane to discourage over or under-taking
• when stopping put on hand break then neautral
• Put on sidelights when driving a minibus, since 2011 vehicles have sidelights that are always on anyway

Then it’s time for the test. Get the official guide to driving buses and coaches for £10.87. This is held at the VOSA test centre in Livingston. The test starts with a few verbal theory questons: show me where the fire extinguisher is, show me and tell me the maximum passanger limits, tell me about the tyre treat (needs to be 1.6mm for a minibus although all the books say 1mm which is for full size busses), tell me how to test the oil level (engine needs to be cool, take dip stick and wipe clean, put in out again and read).

Next there is a reversing maneuver in the test center where you go forward past a parking cone then reverse to meet a point beside your starting point. It’s simple but surprisingly easy to get disorientated and make a mistake.

There is an hour long drive although it feels like three hours because it needs a lot of concentration. The driving has to be a high standard of course. The instructors have a number of test routes that go through the fun variety of streets nearby, village high streets, school, residential, rural streets, dual carrageways, motorways, and lots and lots of roundabouts. There’s a couple of maneuvers, you need to stop at the side of the road and you need to stop at a bus stop as if to pick up passengers. Again these are simple but it’s easy to forget a part of the maneuvers. After picking up passengers you much check your central rear view mirror to check your passengers are all seated and once moving off you need to check your left mirror again to check nobody has held onto the door that you are about to drag along the road.

When you return to base the assessor spends a minute on his paperwork while you sweat and get either an “I’m afraid you haven’t passed” or “I’m please to tell you you have passed” and then you go over any faults you made.

Anyone driving for hire or reward (whatever that means) must do a Driver CPC test every few years which involves another theory test involving case studies and a practical test involving discussing how to stop illegal immigrants playing stowaway on your bus. There is also a Midas test which many local authorities did use but I think that’s obsolete (although like much of this it’s unclear).

Total cost £1702.31. Golly. Obviously it would have been £800 cheaper if I’d passed first time and probably if I’d found someone other than GTG to use but they did get me to pass the test.

If you want to take a trailer over 750Kg you need to do another test D1+E which involves a similar practical test. There are approximately no trainers in Scotland who can train this.

I feel I am a better driver for doing this and I don’t begrudge the government for making me do it but I am surprised at the lack of driving schools who can train you, goodness knows what schools will do when their older teachers die out.

I’m now a 3 star white water assessor. This has been a long time coming, I’ve had to do: 4 star WW training, White Water Safety and Rescue, 4 Star WW Assessment, UKCC Level 1 including Foundation Safety and Rescue, UKCC Level 2 Training,child protection, first aid, LTPD crap web quiz, UKCC Level 2 Assessment, Moderate water endorcement training, Moderate water endorcement assessment, observe some 3 stars and run a 3 star. And after all that I’m still not convinced I’m quite as good as I’d like to be as a coach and assessor. Partly because I had my head bashed around. When I wanted to do this last year I went on one of the 3 star observations and left my kit at home, a bit of a clue I wasn’t quite ready in the head.

The assessment I was running was organised by Kate (much thanks) and overseen by Steve L (much thanks). After some introductions I took them on the water and ran through the personal paddling skills with them. I did most of it on both still and moving water. Although it doesn’t indicate it in the syllabus or the training notes the personal paddling skills are intended to be on flat water only (except break in and ferry glide). Well always nice to challenge the candidates I suppose. It’s hard to make the judgement between a good draw and a mediocre draw, being a nice guy who doesn’t like to displease people I always seem to err on the side of being good but I should be a bit more strict. It’s also hard to ensure everyone does everything on both sides which is required. Lots of keep in the head, even if you have a waterproof notebook to take notes. At three star level the personal paddling skills on flat water should be of a high standard so it’s best for the assessor to err on assuming they’re not good enough for the flat water bits.

There’s a requirement to use a throw line in 3 star which wasn’t the case when I did mine 20 years ago. It doesn’t say it needs to be on moving water, neither of my observed 3 stars were but Steve L says it is the case.

The candidates have to show good group and personal awareness on grade 1 water and be led down grade 2. I’m a little unsure of the best way to get them to show good awareness, I think I need to ask them more and do some more challenges on this than I did. Maybe ask them how they’d do a rapid then watch three of them go down a simple rapid with some break ins/outs.

I asked the group to ascent up a simple bit of water because I’m sure I remember seeing it in the notes but now I can’t find it. Maybe my imagination.

3 star is a lot like 1 star in that it’s a bit of an encouragement award so say welcome to canoeing. I’m glad I can now welcome people to moving water with a nice certificate. I wonder what my next challenge will be – maybe I’ll get into surf.

This year’s SCA Club and Volunteer Conference didn’t have as much in the way of certificates as previous years but I did do the full day classroom qualifications of Coastal Navigation and Tidal Planning. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while to improve my knowledge of sea paddling theory and of maps in general. It covers what you need to know about the weather, reading Admiralty or other navigation charts as well as OS maps and planning for tide heights and currents. Our tutor was Mark McKerral from Paddle Lochaber, who was excellent.

Here’s some notes for my own reference and anyone else who cares to read.

Doing this safety course is needed for a 4 star and is part of the remit to lead a session in moderate water which on the sea means: up to force 4 winds, 2 nautical miles off the coast and a tide speed of 2 knots.

Places to get weather information are websites from the BBC and the Met Office. Met Office gives shipping, inshore waters, synoptic/pressure and general forcasts. Inshore waters is most interesting to us as coastal paddlers. XCweather.co.uk and windfinder are also good. Magic Seaweed website gives surf predictions and swell charts. You can also call a Coastguard and ask or listen to a VHF radio broadcast.

A weather front is where hot and cold air meet. Warm air holds moisture and cold releases it.

Anabatic winds is a sea breeze, when the land is heated by the sun causing hot air to rise and colder air from the sea to blow in. Katabatic winds is the opposite.

Sea fog appears when warm air (carrying moisture) drifts over a cold sea.

Shipping forcast on Radio 4 gives: general warnings, general synopsis then area info. Area is wind direction, wind force, sea state and visibility. Radio 4 also gives an inshore waters forcast. Rottray to Berwick is the area I care about covering the Firth of Forth. Sea State is the Douglas scale and covers wave height:calm is < 10cm, smooth is < 50cm, slight < 1.25m then moderate, rough phenomenal. Words are deceptively gentle sounding for a sea kayak. Sea navigation charts (maps) are made by Admiralty (part of the UK Hydrographic Office) and Imray (commercial company). They cover the depths in metres. 1 nautical mile is 1.8km which is close to 2km for casual purposes. 1 minute of arc of latitude (or longitude at the equator) on the earth is 1 nautical mile. nautical miles are used rather than km because on mercator maps the scale changes depending on your distance to the equator but 1' can easily be found on the scale at the side of the map. OS Landranger maps are useful too. They have a little known latitude and longitude scale on the outside of the map, it uses a different grid (skewed to OS national grid) with small blue crosses across the map to mark it. A divider is a tool like a school maths set compass which is useful for measuring distances on a map. Various places to measure a tide from: MHWS (mean high water at springs), MHWN (mean high water at neaps), MSL (mean sea level, used by OS maps), Drying Height (hight of something covered for some of the time by the tide), MLWS (mean low water at springs), CD is usually Lowest Astronomical Tide (a theoretical minimum tide level). Moon takes 24 hours and 50 minutes to go round the earth so cycle of tides is a little longer than a day. Spring tides are high & low tides when sun is aligned to the moon. 7 days later are neap tides - less high/low tides. At the equinoxes there are larger tides and at the solstices there are smaller tides. Rule of constants in tides - the difference in time between high tide at 2 spots is always the same (except when it isn't). Rule of 12th, a rule of thumb for the tide hights, 1st hour height rises 1/12th of total, 2nd hour -> 2/12ths, 3rd hour -> 3/12ths, 4 hour -> 3/12ths, 5 hour -> 2/12ths, 6 hour -> 1/12ths (a total rise of 12/12ths)

Tide Races are caused by constrictions. Overfalls are generally formed when a rock is under the water in a constriction.

Overfall at the Falls of Lora, Oban.

When wind is against the tide it makes more waves (smaller waves if wind with tide).

High baromatic pressure also makes tides less high.

Proxigean tides are when lots of factors combine to make very high tides, sprints with equinox with meterological with perigee (near moon).

Rule of Thirds is a rule of thumb for the speed of the tide. middle of 1st hour -> 1/3 full speed, 2nd hour -> 2/3rds, 3rd hour -> 3/3rds, 4th hour -> 3/3rds, 5th hour -> 2/3rds, 6th hour -> 1/3rds.

50/90 rule is another rule of thumb for tide speed. 1st hour ends at 50% of speed, 2nd hour at 90%, 3rd hour at 100%, 4th hour at 90%, 5th hour at 50% and 6th hour at 0%

A journey planner needs to know the tide current speed, distance, paddling speed.

Use guide books or nautical tables to find the tide high water/low water and resulting current speed at any point.

I went on an Outdoor First Aid course at Lowport in Linlithgow with John Lewis to give my first aid knowledge the required three year refresh. First aid courses come in various shapes and forms. I’ve always considered the 3 hour evening courses to be useless, there’s so much to learn and practice you couldn’t hope to cover it in an evening. A two day course lets you spend a day learning things and another day practicing scenarios. This was a refresh course so we went straight away into scenarios to remind us what we knew and show us what we did not know.

Here’s my notes for my own use and anyone else who wants to read them..

On finding a casualty without much conciousness a primary examination is: DRSAB (doctor’s AB) for Danger, Response, Shout, Airway, Breathing. Look for any nearby dangers, ask victim for a response,shout for help, check their airway is clear by tilting the head back and check they are breathing. Then call 999/112.

The recovery position stops them chocking on their tongue and their own vomit.

If you find a victim on a slope best to rotate them to be along the slope to keep right blood pressure throughout body.

When checking breath check for speed, depth, sporadic, sounds (gargling, wheezy, snoring, agonal gasps).

Ambulances usually don’t know how to do grid references. They’ll want the age and number of casualties.

After DRSAB do a secondary examination. Use hands to check for blood/breakages around head, along arms, press on four quadrants of stomach, along legs, tap the feet, check pupils, ears.

Rest breathing is about 10/min and pulse is about 60-100 per minute.

Alertness can be measured in AVPU – Alert (normal), Voice (can talk a bit), Pain (can respond to pain), Unresponsive

Seizure: make comfy. Call ambulance if > 2 minutes, first time or complications.

Hypothermia: signs are shivering, blue/grey face, slow and unresponsive. Warm up with drink, clothes, heat (but not too fast).

If unconcious person vomiting hold face on far side from you and roll away.

CPR: chest compressions more important than breaths. For adults do deep compressions 5-6cm and 2 per second (110 per minute,Yellow Submarine speed). Do up to 30 compressions then 2 breaths. For child or drowing breaths are more important so start with 5 breaths.

Stroke: FAST. Face 1/2 working, Arm not raising as well as other arm, Slurred speech, Time to call an ambulance. Often mistaken for being drunk.

Asthma: blue inhaler is reliever (other colours are 1 a day steroid preventers). Triggered by physical effort and cold.

Hyperventilation: can cause dizzyness (body needs some CO2 to get oxygen through). If they pass out that’s ok as will regulate.

Chocking: slap on back 5 times in direction of top of throat. If not working do abdominal thrusts (then get checked over for organ failure).

Drowning: usually caused by small amounts of water, also dry drowning can cause spasms. Secondary downing possible hours or days after first incident so call ambulance.

Heat exhaution: wear a sun hat, take lots of fluids, use shade, cool down with water. Can become heat stroke: slurred speech, disorientated, headache, stop sweating – get outside help.

Burns: 10 minutes under cold water. Cover in cling film, no creams, no sticky material, don’t remove burnt clothing, don’t pop blisters, avoid touching, go to hospital if > hand size or facial or genetal.

Broken leg: use other leg as splint, pad out with towels and bags.

Slings can be elevation sling where hand on shoulder or support. Second rope can be needed to stop swinging arm.

Soft tissue injury (sprains, staved fingers etc) RICE: Rest, Ice, Comfort, Elevation.

First aid kit: I need more dressings, casualty report form, gloves, pencil, crepe bandage, mars bars, steri strips, paracetamol, compeed blister packs.

It’s my birthday and Facebook does the function that it is best at, getting birthday wishes from many nice people around the world.

I’ve had severe head trauma for the last year, confusingly called in the US a mild brain injury, and alas it’s not fixed yet. The symptoms are very random, sometimes I get very fatigued and need to sleep, sometimes I get head aches that can’t be touched by any combination of drugs, sometimes I just need to lie down and stare into space, sometimes I run out of breath and sometimes I’m entirely fine. Sometimes I go to sleep early, sometimes late, sometimes I get up early, sometimes late. Sometimes I can cycle out to ratho and go climbing for a few hours, other times I have trouble leaving the house.

My eyes still have double vision, they’ve been healing slowly which is annoying because it’ll still need surgery one day but they can’t give it yet incase it overcorrects. Maybe next month.

Time moves faster is the most curious symptom, it’s evening before I expect it’s afternoon, the months finish before they should and a year has gone by before I noticed it had.

The Department of Work and Pensions are supposed to refund my hospital costs from France but they have a presumably deliberately inefficient system which has taken a year to tell me I sent the wrong paperwork, I do wish the government would just be honest about not wanting to pay for it.

I’ve travelled for work to California, Copenhagen and Tallin, tiring but rewarding. The forest in Tallin is just like a fairy tale, the cargo ships of Oakland are impressive and Copenhagen just does the right thing when it comes to bikes. I’ve even visited the tourist traps in England of Long Eaton and Manchester. I love visiting friends around the world or having people visit me, thanks Paul, Chris, Ryan, Roman, Natalie and especially Beth who has done ever so much looking after me. My new employer expects to open an office in Barcelona soon which I’m really looking forward to, that’ll be a commute worth doing.

I’ve achieved a number of things this year. Starting with fixing the roof of my house, not a big achievement but interesting that I can do it when none of the 10 other owners of the building can (most of them running it as a commercial business). My first foreign trip involved organising KDE’s presence at FOSDEM, on the way home I actually collapsed on the train after running for a late connection but it felt good to be helping people. I spent a lot of time looking into a potential new site for my canoe club, that ended up with lying and incompetent politicians and civil servants but I did stop Scottish Canals from kicking us out our current building and moving us to the edge of the city by shouting at them, extra aggressiveness from head trauma coming in useful there maybe. I ran the biggest canoe slalom there has ever been in Scotland, that was too much. I changed employer, I reasoned this was easier than changing job as my old employer wanted me too, a good choice I think although the transitional details have been stressful from my old employer.

Targets for next year I think will be to get Kubuntu working well on tablets for work. And get back into running some canoe trips for leisure. I’ve recently started some driving under guidance again, it’s tiring so I need to be careful but I’m a careful sort. Weirdly the DVLA gave me the all clear to drive after a peripheral vision test – I have twice as much peripheral vision as before not less, the actual issue is reaction times which they don’t seem to care about. Mostly I need to take things easy, grab the maximum enjoyment I can and do more gentle exercise, I have a habit of doing none when I feel poor and doing too much when I feel good.

How to Recover: Comebacks from Traumatic Brain Injury is a great blog I follow. Brainlash is a great book. I wish the neurologist had pointed me at these when I had my only appointment instead of an unhelpful “he’ll recover, I hope” letter. There’s not much can be done for head trauma but information to cope would be the obvious thing, it took me 10 months to find out that NHS Lothian even made their own useful leaflets on the topic. I’ve been referred to a rehabilitation consultant but I’ve not heard back from them and I don’t know what they can do anyway.

Now a couple of weeks of parties and gatherings but mostly I’ll be relaxing. If I seem unfriendly or disinterested at all, it’s just a normal symptom of head trauma, keep those birthday wishes coming it’s much appreciated. I’m looking forward to another year of randomness.

My riddell@gmail address continues to get all sort of e-mails intended for other people called Riddell. Today I had the first chat with someone and ended up giving her advise on bronchiectasis. It’s nice to be able to help people.

Previously on Riddellleaks: Foreign Office Invites me to Security Meeting, RiddellLeaks – Foreign Office Latest.

15:02 Su: Peep po!
me: hello
15:03 Su: just looking at who was online and thought I’d say hello
15:04 me: howdy, do I know you?
7 minutes
15:11 me: oh well, guess not 🙂
15:12 Su: sorry, Phil has popped in and was just chatting to us
whilst your there. May I ask your advice on a Mum issue?
15:13 me: umm, ok
5 minutes
15:18 Su: A couple of weeks ago, she had a home visit by her GP. He said that her lungs are failing. I called her last night and on asking how she was got the usual angry response “I feel ill”. I asked what was wrong and she repeated that her lungs are failing, and she was worried about the xmas break. I suggested I phone her GP to find out more about her lung failure (thinking I would also get a prognosis). She flew into a rage saying she forbad me to contact him. My probably is that she tells me she is seriously ill before every time we go away. Do you know anything about lung failure – is it a long term or sudden condition?
15:21 me: I expect there could be any number of reasons for lung failure, not one condition
15:22 Su: she has bronchiectiis
15:23 me: NHS england has some info here http://www.nhsinform.co.uk/health-library/articles/b/bronchiectasis/introduction
15:24 bacterial infection
needs antibiotics
15:25 unlikely to lead to sudden failure if she’s got antibiotics
without knowing you or your mum it’s probably not wise for me to advise more
15:26 Su: Sorry it was unfair to ask.
The NHS site is very useful
5 minutes
15:31 Su: Have a lovely xmas, and watch out for the re-launch of the Westerb fan site on Facebook!
15:32 me: thanks, I shall, although I don’t know what that is and I don’t know you on facebook
15:33 maybe you want S Riddell? she seems to be a facebook friend of yours
15:36 Su: Thank you very much for your advice, and patience. I am sorry I that I have just twigged that you are complete stranger to me!!!!!
me: no bother 🙂
15:37 Su: Well we’ve given my colleagues a good laugh – happy christmas and good bye!!

Today I subscribed to heraldscotland.com. Being the self-righteous type I give to various charities and good causes monthly and I consider this to be the same. Newspapers are losing readers fast as people either read them on the internet or stop bothering to care about the news. Newspapers are responding to this by either moving into sensation tabloidism ending in scandals like phone hacking or re-printing articles from agencies and other papers (churnalism is the term). So I think it’s up to everyone to support decent newspapers while they still exist. I buy the Sunday Herald every week because it has genuinely interesting and original articles, it’s Scottish and has good design. But that’s still nothing compared to my parent’s generation who buy newspapers every day of the week.

The Herald’s website heraldscotland.com recently required a registration after 5 articles and subscription after 10. It’s only £35 a year (or £3 every 4 weeks) which I recon is very cheap. However when charging for something that used to be free, and is freely available from many competitors, something more should be given. You still get annoying flashing adverts which I would have expected to disappear when subscribing. And the need for a subscription is trivially worked around anyway by just deleting the site’s cookies in your browser. The subscription has a joint option with the daily Herald but I’m not Glaswegian and only want to read the Sunday Herald yet there’s no subscription option for that. It’s good to help responsible journalism but I think to be at all sustainable they need to give us readers more of a reason to subscribe.

At the end of November I was misfortunate enough to end up with severe traumatic head trauma and double vision. After 2.5 months the signs are good for a recovery.

Severe traumatic head injury is when you get a nasty shock to the head and end up in a coma for 1 day to 2 weeks (I was out for 3 days). Waking up from a coma is not like in films, I had two days in a delirium gradually realising I wasn’t dreaming and something was up. My nice flatmate and dad came and rescued me from that.

Back in Scotland the NHS (remember it’s independent here, no playing around with it as David Cameron is doing in England) gave me an MRI scan to check my brain had no dead patches in it, fortunately there were not.

However there are no magic drugs for brain trauma, a lot of neurons need to get rebuilt so it just needs a long slow recovery. My cognitive abilities have been improving nicely week by week. I used to be tired at just thinking about something brain intensive like programming, now I can manage it pretty well. My context switching ability (which allows for multi-tasking) was initially very slow but is now much better. My concious spelling (when you are thinking about spelling not just writing it without thinking) did not work at all but is now coming back.

I get tired easily, as with any illness your body needs to force you to rest more. Initially I went to bed early each night, now I don’t feel the need so much. Good manners take more energy too so I get grumpy and snappy after a day spent organising people or when I’ve been in the cold for too long.

The other part of my illness is a stretched muscle in my eye giving me double vision. This too has no miracle cures and just needs a long slow recovery. I have one lense of my glasses taped over which prevents double vision. But since I don’t use glasses much and they cause a bit of strain on my eyes when used with a computer I bought an eye patch. You can not buy decent eye patches in Europe as far as I can tell, only cheap ones which aren’t comfortable to wear for several months at a time. So I had to get one from an american medaeval recreation costume company.

The eye patch is the most obvious sign I have a (presumably temporary) disability. Most people have never come across such a medical issue before and so act in one of the following options: ignore it and forever wonder why I’m dressed like a pirate, ask politely why I’m dressed like a pirate, joke and go yarr. Even the neurology doctor I went to see had the “nice pirate costume” reaction. This is all fine and perfectly understandable. Only drunk people grate because they can not moderate their tone of voice to make it friendly enough. If you ever see a disabled person when drunk, just stay quiet.

The most curious reaction I’ve had was “I wouldn’t treat you like a disabled person.” What this means is “I wouldn’t treat you like a wheelchair user” and shows a lack of understanding of limited ability/disability which means so much more than wheelchair users. When you meet a disabled person do not modify your language or act self-conscious, just modify your actions as you work out their abilities. If in doubt ask politely.

Only being able to use one eye at a time means I have no depth perception. Out goes canoe polo games since I can’t catch or throw at all reliably. Also stairs feel very dangerous, especially those without handrails. Most stairs in the UK have handrails because of the great disability legislation we have here. In Belgium by contrast they do not and they consider it acceptable to close off disabled toilets with signs pointing at the less-accessible toilets.

Keeping up top psychosomatic health is important during a long recovery. This means the relationship between good body health and good mental health. My good friend Beth came up and helped me do a deep clean (“spring clean”) of the flat, good housing has a very strong relationship to good health. She also cooked lots of chilie bean mix and put it in lots of bags in the freezer, this is a nice easy way to get back into cooking (which I had to stop doing because of lack of energy), add a bag, add some carbohydrate and boil away. Lovely.

I’ve also been taking alexander lessons from my mum, this is nice and relaxing but also helps with long term posture which I find it hard to keep right when I’m low on energy. And Eddy the canoeist has been using me as a test run for his massage course which works out nicely. Psychosematic health is also helped by a placaebo which feels like real medicine as long as you choose to believe so I’ve been taking homeopathic pills.

Thanks to everyone who has been helping!

Here’s another attempt at explaining a problem most people doesn’t realise and very few can be bothered with.

Until fairly recently there was no standard file formats for office
documents such as word processing, spreadsheets and presentations.
This ment every software package used their own file format. Having
no standard (in any industry) means one company will gain a monopoly
because there is no way to interchange and MS Office ended up on top.

There is now a standardised file format (OpenDocument) which is well
documented and has lots of programmes to read it. Alas few people
care (no reason they should, computers are tools and not everyone is a
geek) so Microsoft still have a near-monopoly.

OpenOffice etc can read MS formats but it takes up such a huge part of
our developer resources that it’s very much in Microsoft’s interests
to keep making them complex so we can’t compete with them by spending
time on useful features.

Governments should support standards to prevent monopolies and
discrimination and are often required to and so should quangos like
yourselves. The EU requires use of OpenDocument instead of MS Office
formats but often don’t follow their own guidelines.

OpenDocument (.odt, .ots etc) works great as is native with
LibreOffice, OpenOffice, Calligra, Google Docs and numberous other
programmes but alas MS only has a half hearted implementation for MS
Office so many people can’t use it without hassle. So the best way
currently to offer standards without causing people hassle is to use
long established file formats like HTML or PDF.

I had an accident on Guadeloupe’s roads and spent some days in hospital. I don’t have a memory of the incident which means I’ll never know for sure what the cause of it was. The hospital looked after me as they would with any A&E victim then sent me home. They gave me a scan but they sent me home with the results which I then left in a taxi so I don’t know what they discovered there. The polis initially wanted me to stay for alcohol testing but then let me go home with my dad. So I took a quickly booked flight throught Paris back to Edinburgh. I’ve since been told thay my eyes are a bit of of line and I need to have one covered until it recovers. A shame since I’ll never get more into wave ski now or surf ski or exploring more of the mangroves. I need plenty of rest to recover and to gently get back into Kubuntu usefulness. Goodbye French Guadeloupe, I’ll miss you.